I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize