We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
