Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
