We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Watching her eat just hurts me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
