i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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