My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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