I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
