He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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