i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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