Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
