The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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