pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
