You're completely useless in the revolution.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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