i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
