5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
