Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
