The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
