im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
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no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.