he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You ate ashes out of my bong