ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.