you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
