if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
