my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
