I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
