In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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