i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
