I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize