nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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