Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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