Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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