i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We have so much sex to catch up on
the liver wants what the liver wants
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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