I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
