I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
