did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
