Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
