I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
this is an emotional support booty call
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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