I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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