I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
