here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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