I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize