Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
