.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
