mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
