1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
