my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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