tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Someone signed my nipple.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize