Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
