You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
