what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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