You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
