I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
