It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
