Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
