I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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