fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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