I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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