its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
