I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
