Nicole vs. Life
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
